What a week...

This week has been an odd one. On Monday, Neil had an oncology appointment and everything is fine. The exhaustion that follows an appointment is always the result of the emotional buildup before the tests and exams.

The same day, we also found out that one of our high school classmates passed away suddenly. Though I had only spoken to her a few times since high school, it hit me pretty hard because she was so spirited and beautiful. Her family had recently been through some tough times and now this...I can't even imagine.

Today I had a routine OB appointment (blood pressure, heart rate, fetal heartbeat check and done). But as we were making my next appointment, a woman about my age was crying as she was making hers. I can only assume something was wrong with her pregnancy. My heart was breaking for her...it was just so sad. She and her partner rode the elevator down with us and she was crying and making phone calls as soon as she got off...I hope things work out for her, whoever she is and whatever it might be. I just can't imagine.

What I can't live without

With my job, I often don't know where I will be at a given time of day. I am often called into last-minute meetings, which could be at my office on Main or at one of two client buildings. So I try to pack some things every day and stay on a routine, which helps keep my blood sugar stable, my body hydrated and in general feeling good. These are the things I keep with me:

• Brita water bottle. No matter where my water is coming from (office filter, tap, drinking fountain) the water is filtered as I drink. Also, I know that I need to drink 3 bottles per day so that visual and knowing how much I'm drinking really helps.
• EOS or Burt's Bees lip balm. If you know me, you know I'm addicted anyway and pregnancy makes it worse.
•  Babybel cheeses. Perfect snack and full of calcium and protein. This is what I was told to eat when my blood sugar dips (not Babybel, but cheese in general). Plus I love the packaging.
• Oranges.
• Capri Suns! Duh.
• Peanuts. Also good for blood sugar dips.
• Ayr Saline Nasal Spray. My nose is always dry now and I can't use many OTC sprays unless they're purely saline and nothing else.

At home, there are a couple other things that keep me feeling good in addition to the items above:

•  Cool mist vaporizer. I sleep with it on every night. Helps with my dry nose and skin. Plus I love the white noise.
• Bio Oil and Palmer's Cocoa Butter. Supposed to help prevent stretch marks. We shall see because I'm pretty sure if you're going to get them, they will come but it can't hurt. At any rate, it helps with winter dry skin.
• Proactiv soap. Hormones have my skin all crazy, mostly my back and chest so this helps. Plus, the ingredients are pregnancy-safe.

17 weeks

I am 17 weeks today!

This weeks yays and boos:

Yays

• We finally had our great room painted! A friend from high school owns his own painting business. He did the hard part (darker color) then the next day Neil did the lighter color at the bottom. I love how it turned out. All of this is part of my master plan to get the house looking good before the baby comes.

• I had a dental checkup last week and all is well. I was getting paranoid because pregnancy can apparently do weird things to your teeth so I figured I'd better be sure.
• Got a Costco membership (all of these sound so suburban). Good deals and I noticed they have baby furniture. Will definitely look into that and also start stocking up on things we will need.
• We bought a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat! It's awesome! Neil is the only one who can find the baby every time!
• My nails and hair are growing like crazy. My nails always broke and split so I'd keep them short so I'm loving this. And there's no better time to grow out my pixie cut!

Boos

• People are starting to stare. I know why, obviously but there's always that few seconds when I get paranoid that my fly is down. But then I remember I am wearing maternity pants and those don't have zippers.
• My appetite is back with a vengeance. My weight is normal but I'm finding I want to eat ALL THE TIME so I'm really trying to continue to eat well. My doctor told me to eat more protein, which puts on weight and is also somewhat challenging when I don't always want meat. It was tough this weekend because we went to a pizza place and then I was trying to stay out of the house while it was being painted and ended up eating fast food. I truly feel better when I eat well and can tell right away when I don't. I keep my fruit bowl filled as always and I pack lunch or eat at home whenever possible. It really is a challenge to keep it up though!

16 weeks...4 month mark!!!

BABOOM!

Guess what...I have been debating cloth diapering. A lot of people balk at it and think I'm nuts but oh well. Turns out, yours truly was cloth diapered as a baby! I turned out perfectly fine, people!

Week 16 Yays and Boos!

Tomorrow I will be 16 weeks, or 4 months. It's so hard to believe that time is moving quickly now, since the first 10-12 weeks just seemed to drag on forever!

I'm becoming more interested in reading pregnancy books. Before I felt so overwhelmed that I felt like I was just trying to make it through the first trimester alive. Now I'm getting more excited and want to learn about everything from cloth diapering to labor meditation methods.

Yays for the week:

•  This book. It was given to me by a new mom and is the first one I've seen that doesn't try to scare the living hell out of you. It's a funny, light read with just enough substance to make it worthwhile.
• Finally looking pregnant and not just like I ate too much.
• Everyone at work finally knows. I know there were people who suspected but were too polite to ask.
• My new Brita bottle. I hate Cincinnati tap water, and this helps since I'm religious about drinking the required amount of water per day.
• My Dr told me to eat more cheese!
• Getting stuff done around the house that we won't have time for later. Having the great room painted, getting the carpets clean, getting new bedroom furniture, etc. Want to make it as cozy and organized as possible.
• Eating healthy about 85% of the time. Eating good food makes me feel noticeably better to the point where I don't even want junk food except for the occasional desert or snack.

Boos for the week:

• Smokers, still. Seriously, I'm tired of having to turn off my air in traffic because your bad habit is being sucked into my car.
• Dizziness. I get it, bad. I love Bed, Bath and Beyond but had to leave after all of five minutes yesterday because I thought I was going to pass out. I talked to my OB's nurse and she said I needed more protein. I'm trying!
• Peoples' obsession with me having a nursery theme. I personally don't like matchy-matchy stuff and just want something simple. You would think I was killing puppies when I tell someone I don't have a theme.
• Just when I got a little energy and appetite back, work is full-tilt crazy. So now I'm still exhausted and have to force myself to eat while on mute on conference calls...and hope nobody asks me a question while my mouth is full!
• Freaking flu epidemic. I swear, Neil and I pick the best times to have compromised immune systems! When Neil was in chemo, we had the H1N1 outbreak and now we're having one of the worst flu seasons in years. Watching the news makes me paranoid. I am trying to minimize my exposure by working from home a few times a week and using hand sanitizer by the gallon. We both have our flu shots as advised by my OB but it's still very scary.

 Ok, so I'm probably not technically "showing" but I know for a fact that my guts are getting all mushed up in my very short torso. It's probably another few weeks before it's baby up there but since baby is causing it, let's just call it a bump. Here's the progress at 13, 14 and 15 weeks (today). Hard to believe it will be 4 months next week! Please excuse the horrible hair, it really sucks growing out a pixie because you go through a mullet phase.

This should not be so difficult

So today I read an article about a baby's fingernail that almost killed the mother.

I'm pretty good about not worrying over things that are so rare or unlikely to have a bad outcome. Sure, I look up many foods to make sure they're safe and I am avoiding all medications I can. Long story short, I am careful but not crazy.

However, one thing I cannot stand/tolerate is secondhand smoke. I hated it before but I hate it with a passion now. I have zero tolerance for the people who stand in the middle of sidewalks, in doorways, etc and puff their poison into the air everyone else passing by has to breathe. I take care of myself and don't have this habit...so I'd love someone to explain to me why I should have to expose myself and my unborn child (oh man...is this my first pregnancy diva moment?) to their cigars and cigarettes.You smoke. I don't. You go stand in the cold if it's worth that much to you! I know it's tough to quit smoking--I saw my dad struggle for years before he was finally able to. But he also never put his lit cigarette on the windowsill of the pizza place by the door while he was inside getting his order (I just saw someone do this, want to kill them).

I am finding it really tough to avoid secondhand smoke while downtown. Nobody wants to inconvenience themselves by walking to an alley because it's cold.  So they stand in the doorway of my office building. Or on the sidewalk where you cross the street. Or in the car next to me in the parking lot.

I will be honest, I'm feeling a little rage over this.

I forgot...about clothing

To add to my list of things I said I wouldn't do, I promised I wouldn't wear yoga pants as real pants.

Never-pregnant-before me never knew that before you show enough to make strangers pat your belly and coo, YOUR ABDOMEN BLOATS AND YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ATE TOO MUCH GOLD STAR and that you will try to wear real pants and you will cry.

Stretchy pants are good. Stretchy pants are my friend. On days I have to go to the office, I find myself saying "I can't wait to get home and take my $#$%& pants off." Real pants can take a hike.

Advice from a Stranger

Today we met a college friend, his wife and their new baby for lunch. His wife was kind enough to bring me some pregnancy books, which I sat on the edge of the restaurant table. A man sitting behind us saw the books and our friends' baby and was making small talk about kids. All normal enough.

About a half hour later, he asked if I know what I'm having yet, to which I replied that we would find out in February. His advice?

"Don't have a boy. My son was growing three marijuana plants in his closet with a grow light (emphasis his). LIKE I WOULDN'T KNOW!"

Uncomfortable silence on my end. "Ummm, thanks?"

End conversation. The wings were good.

My List

Before I was pregnant, I had a list of worries, things I would not do and things I planned to do. I wouldn't say all of that is out the window; in fact, I think I've followed my own plan as much as possible. But I'm definitely learning to adjust and try to let somethings go. That can be pretty tough for someone who is a project manager (read: obsessive planner) for a living.

My list...

• I will not eat junk food, fast food or give in to bad cravings. 
• How I've done: Actually, ok on this one. I believe in moderation. Yes, I've eaten Taco Bell and Burger King. But only on occasion and the rest of what I've eaten is fairly healthy. In my experience, my "cravings" are not truly cravings...it's more of what I thought I could keep down the first three months. So I don't really sit and think about chocolate cake or milkshakes, which is good. 

• I will not lay on the couch and not do anything. 
• How I've done. Horribly, until recently. All of the pregnancy blogs and emails I read insisted I would feel so much better if I forced myself to engage in physical activity. Truth is, I've never known exhaustion like the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. If you've ever had a day at work when you physically had trouble keeping your eyes open, that was my day, every day for weeks on end. Since Neil and I carpool, I was actually falling asleep in the car on the way home from work. The past two weeks, I was able to get out more and I'm starting a prenatal yoga class tomorrow so hopefully I can maintain that through the rest of my pregnancy.

• I will not let unsolicited advice bother me. 
• What is it about people who feel they need to state the obvious? They think I don't know that new parents don't sleep, that babies are expensive, that childbirth is painful or that you won't know exactly what to do until the baby is here. Do they just not know what else to say? Do they take glee in trying to frighten me? It bugs the hell out of me even though I try to nod and smile like they've just bestowed the wisdom of the ages upon me. Thanks for that.

• I will not freak out.
• OH. MY. GOD. Ok, so if the people above who like to point out the obvious wanted to actually be helpful, they would tell you the scary, Freddy Kreuger shit that happens when you're pregnant. If you've never been pregnant, every twinge, cramp and new symptom (or lack of symptom) will scare the ever-loving crap out of you at first. I promised myself I would never look up stuff on the internet (laugh with me HAHAHHAHAHAHA you fool). At first, I was getting migraines and I wanted to know some non-medication treatments. I found a pregnancy forum at one point where the women were stating that migraines=potential miscarriage because they are caused by a drop in hormones. Stuff like that. People on the internet are cray cray.

• I will not neglect relationships.
•  While I feel even closer to Neil, other relationships have posed a challenge. I forget dates, conversations (pregnancy brain is a real thing) and am often too tired to commit to any sort of social outing. When I do, I often have to reschedule or cancel because while I'm feeling better now, I still get worn out easily. This goes for work too--I had to move so many meetings around due to morning sickness that I had to tell my client why so she didn't think I was a flake. I've never been one to hold it against those who are going through a rough patch because I've been through Neil's cancer and I know how isolating it can be and how hard maintaining relationships is. If I've done any of this to you, it's not you! It's me (cliche but true).

And that's my list so far. I'm sure there's much more to come.

How a little spaceman began

Welcome to my new blog! I've created this to document my first pregnancy in the most honest way possible instead of annoying my Facebook friends with these updates. So to back up, the story of how it all began (ok, not how it actually began, you don't need to hear that).

 Long story short, after lots of worrying that my husband's chemo would make having children difficult, we were shocked and excited when we had no trouble at all. On a whim (ok, because I'm highly impatient) I took a pregnancy test the morning we were leaving for a 9-day vacation with my parents. And it was positive. Neil was loading the car and I think the way it happened was "OH MY GOD. NEIL." He said he thought one of the cats had died (?! really, that's your first thought).

 Fast forward, oh twenty minutes of shock and we're picking up my parents. Guess what, we had to blurt it out because you know what's not fun? Keeping a secret and having to pee every twenty minutes on an 9 hour road trip. Also, explaining why you're eating your sixth Philly cheese steak. And why everyone asking you if you're ok for the 80th time makes you want to punch the Liberty Bell. So, baby got to go to Philly and I was knocked up for my 30th birthday!

 The first weeks were not fun. Many friends who have had babies had early ultrasounds but I soon discovered my practice did not do that. I was a nervous wreck for 10 weeks until we were able to hear the heartbeat and at 11-12 weeks we were comfortable enough to tell people. I've been sick and exhausted, which is totally normal but also mentally and emotionally draining. I went through a lot of mental anguish, wanting to get really excited but also being deeply afraid to get attached before we heard that lovely heartbeat.

 I was so worried about my ten-week appointment that I didn't eat or sleep much for a week leading up to it. I felt pressured to tell people at Christmas and was afraid it was still too early to hear anything. But as soon as the doctor put the doppler on my stomach, there it was. A perfect heartbeat and our first real confirmation that something really was inside! I cried so hard that the baby got spooked and hid from the doctor.

 Now that I'm in week 14, I feel much, much better. Today we heard the heartbeat again and my measurements are right where they should be. The title of my blog comes from what I call the baby--a fetus floating around attached to an umbilical cord reminds me of a spaceman!

And there you have it! The tale of Baby Reed begins.